I cant talk right now they are about to fuck again
i dont care if i have to wear a pillow case, there will be an open bar at my wedding
just had an encounter with drunk people from out of state at dairy queen. they wanted to stay till march to see the high school play.
maybe it wasnt such a good idea to pregame our lease signing...
The size of her vagina has nothing to do with the size of her heart bro
I'm not liking this ratio of moving to blowjobs...
New low: falling asleep with my face in the toilet only to be awoken when my hand slid down and touched the water. It's moments like these I wish I could forget.
i thought i should point out that whatever else you can say about me, i've still gotten high with a midget.
I don't know, Alex. I don't know. I lost my keys, my debit card, my makeup bag, broke my purse, had to have someone cut my shoe off, I have no idea where my costume is. I woke up next to the biggest douchebag I know and made out with this other guy while SIMULTANEOUSLY talking on the phone to the guy I'm talking to...
Know your penis has been the topic of conversation over glasses of wine.
Fucking shoot me with this y'all shit. You were in Texas for 2months you do not have an accent Madonna
If anyone remembers any details of tonight please address concerns to my lawyer. This is a mass text.
My sober self will be embarrassed tomorrow. For now I am laughing my ass off.
Pretty sure I just got the ok to have a one night stand in Maui...from mom. I'd say that's a win in my book.
I let my daughters ex boyfriend take me home from the bar. Hey, at least he's old enough to drink
Randomize
