she's walking around the room telling people she can make the room move with her mind and then she shakes her head really fast yelling 'see?!'
you went around the entire night in your french maid costume dusting off the "cob webs" on everyone's crotch saying "you havent gotten any action in a while"
I was wondering why i got so many friend requests the next day...
she just gave me a present from you... on a stripper pole. in front of the whole club. :)
WHY ISNT THIS A PICTURE MESSAGE
i lost virginity while listening to candy shop. something in my life has finally gone right.
Sorry I didn't text you for coffee this morning...bad life decision Saturday sorta rolled into Monday...
I WILL STOP HOOKING UP WITH GUYS EX'S FOR REVENGE. I WILL STOP HOOKING UP WITH GUYS EX'S FOR REVENGE. I WILL STOP HOOKING UP WITH GUYS EX'S FOR REVENGE.
After you vomited on the patrol car, you thanked the officer for helping you up off the ground. I don't think you realized you were being arrested.
pretend your vagina is a choco taco and the guy is someone who really loves choco tacos. let him enjoy the choco taco.
Apparently it's not a "bonding moment" when you realize you use the same porn site as your boyfriend
Everybody posting sickening holiday couple pics and I'm over here deepthroating a bottle of whiskey.
Every time Brady gets sacked I cum a little...
I always felt my time would come in the form of a tidal wave of whisky
Did anyone see us fucking last night on the giant turtle outside downtown Disney?
can you tell me why i woke up in a diaper and combat boots?
i just read a article called "Booze, Drugs, and Bipolar Disorder"... i think someone is writing the memoirs of my life
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