I'm so bored, I can only pretend that this truck is a spaceship for so long.
just upgraded from jello shots to jello bowls blacking out just got that much more delicious
He asked me If i had cheated on my boyfriend when I said no he said it's like he doesnt know me anymore
he obviously didn't care that i was sleeping and dreaming about ellen degeneres knitting me a christmas sweater.
It was like having sex with a donkey. Everytime she got close she would kick me.
And the horses in Central Park have blankets. And Rafiki just told me "it is time" in the back of our cab.
I wonder what blackout Alex would think of her?
probably "functioning vagina, must touch"
Just had that moment when you realize the two drunk women shoving all their money down your clothes were your middle school teachers...
On my way to get pizza I followed a dog into Salvation Army where I was just hired
I'm pretty sure I imagined the dog... They still hired me
Go tell your boss to go fuck himself because you have beer and doritos and zombies waiting on you
I'll call it a tollerance break and either will be celebrating my new job with a bowl or will be smoking my sadness away from not getting the job. Either way.
I'm having leftover pizza for breakfast. I'm clearly not the greatest at this adult thing.
I almost rear ended this hot guy driving a Porsche Cayenne just so I could get his phone number
my dad just built a flame thrower.. you should probably get here
Sometimes I feel like my vagina has a photographic memory of his penis. It sucks that he got engaged....
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