I don't call you at 3 in the morning to start a fucking relationship.
You are the only person I know that goes to a bar enough to charge your iPhone there....
I've come to realize sober is a rare time of the day.
For the amount of money I just spent on my dogs toe, I could have fucked the entire B squad at a low end strip club.
I'm so hungover I literally am considering drinking from the fishtank to avoid getting out of bed.
Her desktop wallpaper is a collage of penises she fucked.
If this nail lady pinches my achilles one more time im kicking her directly in her bedazzled boobs
Honestly it's a super power. I can try it a million different ways and nothing happens. Donnie casually says "ok this is now a toppless party" and it all kicks-off
My day went from bad to worse when I realized I puked out my second floor window last night.
The doctor basically called me a dirty dick.
Do you ever just feel the storm building inside of you that tells you you're ready for a giant indiscriminate fuckfest?
And I had on a penis ring on the whole time at dinner. And I ate veal...
Sorry I didn't call this morning. Ended up with a decorated war veteran last night who besides finding the enemy, KNEW where the fuck my G spot was. He gets a medal in my book!
He corrected my spelling during sexting.
I lost my cyber virginity to a guy I barely knew in high school while a Togepi Plushie watched.
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