i'm going to rape that little man
omg not your brother
Just mADE A PArabola og urine
I'm at a crab and wine festival with my dad. He just introduced me as his girlfriend to all of his co-workers. I am so drunk I thought he was serious.
Call me at 7:30 and make sure I'm not asleep in this booth at Waffle House.
Getting 10 cents back for every can is really just encouraging alcoholism.
Just woke up on a dolphin floaty wearing only a party hat. There's blood on the side of the pool and glass in the sauna. Worst fucking hangover. But some guy said he is making crepes so its ok
Of course he did. He is like the oprah winfrey for vaginas. Always giving that shit away.
First time at a gay bar. I found a surrogate AND sperm donor! The surrogate is straight, so it evens out.
we def had a heart to heart that turned into a BJ last night
I was drunk and really grossed out when you poured cheese on me and, I guess I just freaked out.
for some reason leaving your socks onmakes it less meaningful.
His life is a porno. He snapped me while banging a girl in the back of the ambulance.
Dude, you can't drink while watching Star Trek. You hardly understand it sober.
It's an alien shaped cup though. i think that'll help me absorb.
I AM A GOOD PERSON AND THEREFORE I DESERVE QUALITY DICK!
Ok maybe second best. He dated a stripper. Can't compete with that level of hoeness
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