You can only be slapped by Eastern European waitresses so many times. I guess they don't want my huge cock in their iron curtain
what was i supposed to do!? wake up and actually ask her name??
i had to cut you off after you shoved a bunch of bottle caps in your mouth and pretended you had braces.
just so you know, you can get through airport security with handcuffs no questions asked
You did this to me with your delicious pizza and moonshine.
I'll forgive you once we're drunk again by noon.
Finally better. I had to use eye makeup remover to get the purple wine stains off my lips
I specialize in how to hang out and party with randoms after you've hooked up with them. Not in feelings.
You woke up butt naked, peed yourself said something about jumbo shrimp, and passed back out 10 seconds ltr..
There they were doing the deed on the beach, looked like two seagulls fighting over a chicken bone.
She said "we just have chemistry" ... I wanted to say "no, you just have a vagina."
Had sex in a blanket fort. How was your weekend?
I can't wait to see you again. It will be like when we first started dating- but with less clothes.
good news, i've got tacos. bad news, kevin's in the ER. more good news, the tacos were free.
You were so drunk, you kept telling everyone you had a platinum vagina.
I like how I can go from sucking dick in the my basement to singing along to veggie tales with my family in a span of 10 minutes.
Randomize
