We're pretty sure the 'pocket' aspect of the hot pocket is unnecessary. Testing our theory now.
My phone now changes "me" to "mrrrrrrrrh", thank you new years.
i hooked up with a boy reading dear john, i have to get points for that somewhere
no he gets major points for having a girl hookup with him after reading dear john
The only ground rules are no one is allowed to come who will say "no, that's a bad idea" or "what if we get arrested?"
You need to take one for the team and go bang a random sample of mexicans. Cause my internets broke and I can't google mexican foreskin stats.
I don't know who the girl crying at my kitchen table eating gravy from the KFC container is, but I feel like she could be my soulmate
You shouted "FUCK SHANIA TWAIN" and then downed an Aquafina bottle of white wine none of us knew how to react
I just found out the guy that lied and blew me off got arrested, his mugshot is online. Life is good.
He got naked and made a run for the door so I had to stop him.
He accidentally opened the car door during sex and all the lights came on. Needless to say, that kid passing by who was walking his dog got scarred for life.
The amount of effort it's taking me to not shit my pants this morning is probably a sign to slow down the drinking
whatever bro. i had ice cream and whiskey for breakfast and its noon. this is the second worst christmas ever.
Gave her a puke bucket just in case. She filled the bottom of it with tears. Super sad. Although I am super proud she didn't puke. That was a lot of Fireball.
ALL I WANT FOR CHRISTMAS IS FOR YOU TO SHUT THE FUCK UP FOR ONCE
I have a completly random but serious question. Can I make a paper mache mold of you ass and turn it into a pinata filled with airplane bottles of liquor? Its for my art class
Randomize
