I dont kno what was worse. Waking up 2 a guy next to me thinking I got blackout or realizing it was your boyfriend.
There's a pair of socks on the bar. No-one's questioned this.
I lost track of him after he threw the handful of pennies at the 2 female cops and ran into the darkness. I heard a tazer and a scream. All that is left is his flip flop. Its like hes drunken man-derella.
I'd love to sympathize with you but I'm drunk in a mansion
We fist bumped behind their backs while drunk hooking up with them... Do other girls do this too? Or is it just us?
I drunk dialed my ex-boyfriend last night. He was sitting next to my new boyfriend. Shoot me in the face.
So, we bought a knight today. Nearly life size. Hes in the garage, so don't be startled.
I was laying there trying to sleep and then he sat up, took out his dick, and put it on my shoulder. It wasn't even hard- it was just casually perched.
So I come home yesterday and my brother is like "watch this" and it turns out he's been retraining my dog to come running when u say "anal"
Tried to figure out where I was without opening my eyes this morning for like twenty minutes. Not even close. Not even the right state.
You FaceTimed your mom in the back of the limo telling her how many guys you hooked up with at the concert
It is such a beautiful day to not be arrested
He found out about your side hoe and still helped you try to find a lizard that got in the house
Lost my pants last night. Really need to stop taking shots of whiskey like I'm eating skittles.
Unless it involves a lot of whiskey, an ACDC concert, and a guy named Juan from the Philippines, then I'm not interested.
Randomize
