I thought she had more class and brains than to date a complete numb-nut, drug addict, fuck up like him. People never cease to amaze me
The mexican place next the the funeral home has dollar margaritas, our grandfather would want us to act on this... trust me i know.
I was to drunk to drive all the way up there, so we just had rough phone sex instead
I just found out my first birthday was a keg party. Suddenly everything makes sense
I just did the nutritional comparison between 2% milk and Bud Light Lime.. the beer had less calories, less carbs, and less fat. It's not looking good for milk in my life anymore
Pre warning. Your not gonna sleep tonight cuz I'm staying with your roommate. Thanks for breaking up with me.
You're fucking beautiful as shit and we should have loving sex...
Yea. It was an issue. Great time though. Apparently I went through the coat check, put my coat on and forgot I had it so I tried to go through again and just didn't understand why thy weren't helping me. Dave coat checked his pants.
Hey, I'm probably about to be arrested but I didn't want to wake you. But it would be cool of you to get the $500.00 I have in the box I keep my "medicine" in and come bail me out. Also I figured you would be amused at the thought of me fending off brutal prison rape tonight.
I rammed pretzels and Jell-O shots down the throats of those I loved.
He called me baby cakes during sex... Can U not
Went to take a shower. Brought my wine, forgot my towel.
i now understand why vodka
Mom has wine in a to go cup. It's that kind of night.
That's Danny the boy who threw up in the Doritos bag
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