y did u give ur computer a hand job?
Ikea night.
?
Insert tab A into swedish slot B
I remember asking you "need some dick tonite?"
Yeah I guess to me frat party equals penis party. oh the wonders of vodka.
this study room smells like vodka
the study room thinks the same about you
what part of what i said meant "bring a bowl"
"bouncy castle"
I may puke in class so I'm excited to see how that goes
You made her yell her own name while you were fucking so that you would remember it in the morning.
I promised him we could have sex if he would let me take him to the hospital to get stitches.
no he just sat there holding the hammer and grinning insanely
Why is there no Netflix category for "I just wanna cry, but I don't have time for a whole romcom"?
Nobody will take a lit match to your nipple without warning you this time. Pinky swear.
I can't hookup with a guy in my car because it smells like Taco Bell..
'valentine' just autocorrected to 'cake robe' in my phone
I think that summarizes my life up pretty accurately
Wearing Navy dress whites to a wedding is like having a magical panty removing device. I've never cockblocked a whole room just by existing before.
I’m going to Lewinsky this place
That makes no sense, but it sounds terrifying
Randomize
