Apparently i was the first person to introduce her to her clitoris. Needless to say...they hit it off great
Having an 'SDSU Mom' sticker is just like say 'Hi, my daughter has an std"
He told us that was the only place he could get service when we found him in the closet passed out with a beer
According to the transitive property, he has now had dick in his mouth.
Dude you make losing your phone an art. You left it balancing on a two liter bottle in the kitchen. Wtf
He was just laying on the stairs and then screamed, "Is that a clubhouse?" I haven't seen him since
Never use fire and ice condoms with a dude who always claims he "didn't know it was the wrong hole"
It was disgusting, and I would've rather licked the condensation off the windows instead, but I figured that's wasn't very ladylike
That UFC fighter fucked me so hard I have what can only be described as a "cuntcussion"
For thanksgving we are only drinking wild turkey for the next 24hrs time to strap your balls back on and maybe a helmet
Ps we bought 8 pellet guns just now
I'd be 10x more excited if going out didn't require pants or the general giving of fucks
I'm wearing the monkey suit out tonight. I hope you're ok with it leaving the bedroom
I wanna get a tattoo next to my tattoo that says, my ex did this so don't fucking ask
You came in, yelled 'i am from the future' then puked all over the floor
I think I'm more excited for Santa to come now that I made a drinking game out of it
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