There's a dead frog in my kitchen?
Yeah, you found him outside and decided to give him a bath with your roommates electric toothbrush.
The worst part is that you sang Air Supply songs to him as you did it. Poor guy died in the middle of "Making love out of nothing at all"
IM INA KID IN KING ATURHTS CUNT!
A Kid In King Arthur's Court? Like the movie?
CUNT. CUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUNT
you took out flashcards at the bar and went around asking guys what totalitarianism meant.
Just got an email from TMobile. Said they were going to pursue "more qualified" candidates. So this is what rock bottom feels like.
he was fingering me, then looked down and said "i like your socks"
maybe next time you'll take an ex boyfriend warning you that she's batshit crazy as a warning instead of a challenge
Saw a guy pass out and hit his head on a urinal. Laughing too hard to help him up
She's all pretty and bubbly and nice and I'm sitting here stoned looking like Lucifer.
It is becoming increasingly more likely that my entire halloween costume will be entirely composed of borrowed clothing from the two girls I'm hooking up
I have an epic ass bruise from a wheel tonight and I am drunk now because I decided vodka heals all wounds.
I still can't get the taste of her nipples and the udon noodles out of my mouth
Last night I had a sex dream about Trudeau, he hasn't even been prime minister for 24 hours
Fuck the library it's too quiet and makes me uneasy. I feel like I'm so isolated I should take off my pants or something
Now i know i wasnt that drunk... So why are there texts of me volunteering for a nude photo shoot for an art major student?
She walked up to me and whispered "I hope you're good at sex" and led me to the beach.
Randomize
