batman just walked across the sidewalk
lay off the drugs
no for real he was wearing a cape
hes 24 and dating a highschool junior and keeps saying how happy he is. happy about what? her ACT score??
Do u kno any dealers?
I've officially lost all respect for you, dad.
It was the first time I had seen his penis when it wasnt hard. It just looked so vulnerable and a little bit depressed.
Does the phrase 'traumatizing near-threesome' mean anything to you.
he told me he expects me to keep the fangs on when i go down on him. presumptuous, yes, but man after my own heart.
John stretched a condom over his face and tried to puke in it.
Just saw a girl duct tape a cigarette back together..I feel like my life is shambles for being present for this
The best part about this city is obvious. Someone saw me crouching by a bar pissing in my leftover Panera bread bowl and they just winked.
i was the only bi girl at the frat party. i felt like the last cresent roll at thanksgiving
I was just wicked nice to a telemarketer... that's how stoned this woman got me.
Last night I watered my lawn and smoked a joint then cooked a steak. I'm really killing this adulthood thing.
Got 2 free lines of blow from some random guys on the side of 13th street.....how's your Sunday going?
I drank a fishbowl of liquor and next thing I know I'm sliding into Zach Galifinakis' DMs
Idk, but the girl in his story had really nice eyebrows and was singing The Climb. How about you CLIMB the fuck away from my man
FORGET THE EYEBROWS
Randomize
