im gay
i know
yea but for you.
What are you doing?
High. Watching Billy Mays infomercials...
That guy could sell me cancer.
billy ray cyrus is narrating a show on the history channel. my iq cant decide whether to go up or down.
I cannot remember December 31 for the past 3 years. it might as well not even exist on my calendar anymore
I don't know where Tiffany is but I just saw her shoes in the bar lost and found
Oh god. Just tried to hail a pizza delivery car. Awkward.
International sake day = success
There's a cop, a pizza guy and a half naked girl outside along with a dog that I don't know. It feels like I walked into a Judd Apatow movie.
I hate that we are older than the real world people now
I managed to get through my meeting without throwing up in someone else's office, so there's that for an accomplishment today.
But lunch with my dad really just means an hour and a half of him telling me how he's disappointed and how he knows I'm on drugs
I will pepper spray him so fast I don't even care
Death by dick. An honorable death. Put a picture of his dick in the photo collage at my funeral.
My friend just got engaged and I'm setting vibrators on fire.
Your life rocks...
I just found out how I got home last night. The bartenders found me sitting in the brush peeing and called me a cab. Have you seen my underwear?
They say you need two forms of ID, but in reality 1 nice set of tits works every time
Randomize
