Picture the opening band right now: euro, beer guts, one member in oversized hipster lumberjack apparel, the other in childsized american apparel and shorts. Singing in german.
I just pulled a feather out of my vagina.
I am not joking.
We dont have to go to dinner or anything gay like that. I just wanna do it.
I absolutely love you.
you asked a group of latinas stood by the bar to hold a minutes silence for ugly betty getting cancelled. that drunk.
I'm more concerned about the fact that I can't feel my gums
I want him to come over and snuggle with me but put a bag over his head. Is that rude?
It's not rude if you use a pillowcase that's softer.
Santa brought me a 1.75 of wine, and a liter of patron. I probably won't remember Christmas, so don't ask me how it was tomorrow.
I can't even tell you how many rave sticks I tore apart with my teeth last night.
Let's drink?
Just because it's bacon vodka doesn't mean it's for breakfast.
I'm toasting stale bread and thinking of you
Is that a sex thing?
Easy. Go to walmart, buy a bag of charcoal. everyone gets a present and it's cheap.
Hi. Tara tells me your sandwiches and stamina are substantial
So I've decided that blue balls for lesbians is rainbow balls and the struggle is real
How many times have you told me to call 911 this week?
Lol twice
Is there a reason drunk me put drunk you's phone in the freezer?
Randomize
