Im at strip club and am horny
so i was creeping on him today and there was like nothing new except he became a fan of getting dome
i wish i could be like. "i like giving dome, lets be friends"
You closed the sidewalk off to pedestrians last night. With a glitter covered safety cone
just threw up on my speech test, so much for a great semester
I just woke up to find the whole kitchen sick had been converted into a gravity bong.
Get this. Chipped my front tooth taking a sip of a gay mans beer out of my cleavage. Fuck my fucking life. that'll be fun to explain to my dentist
The stripper just invited me to take shots with him out at his car after he gets off stage.. I mean why not? I've already seen everything he's got and it'll be easy to get him naked.
So would it be tacky to offer my services as a future attorney as an engagement gift for her?
I woke up with her dog licking the wedding cake out of my ear and her sister finishing our Jaeger
Henceforth: booty calls will now be referred to as "deliveries of anatomy". That is all.
just creeped your profile pictures and you should feel satisfied in knowing that you had great eyebrows even before people started drawing them on
She said I'm going to get you stoned and have you fuck me on the couch.
So she said she could really go for a cheeseburger and I remembered I had one in my pocket. No idea where it came from.
Jarrod's passed out on the chair with a cup of milk and I've been staring him down in an attempt to use telepathy to make him spill it. Attempts unsuccessful.
Just sent a nude with the caption "seasons greetings from our family to yours"
Randomize
