Excuse me do you have gonnorhea?
Just think, the more you drink, the more options you'll have of people you want to hook up with.
i just hate vaginas for liking penis's insside them
imagine if we didn have a dick. we would be so much more productive
Just saw a baby with a T-shirt that read "I am the result of my mother forgetting to take her magic pills". I can't believe they make shit like that.
You're so wise. You're like my sexual Grandmother Willow.
I was just tagged in a picture with a bunch of people i don't know in a house i don't recognize wearing a purple cowboy hat and a boa...i hate tequila
I know it's pride week, but your asshole is just never supposed to taste like banana.
I was freaked out. No man over 50 is allowed to touch me. Ever. Unless you're Michael Bolton. Then please do.
hes the hot one from work who thought i was dead after my party
This is a test of Andrews drunk texting, had this been an actual drunk text, all the words would be spelled incorrectly and would be missing key verbs and nouns, followed by a request to not get fired.
So that'd what fifty dollars of chicken at 7/11 looks like. Made it to work on time. Puked twice. BOOM.
The guy at the Apple store said the warranty does NOT cover getting cum out of the keyboard. I can't believe I believed you.
After my date left I rallied and took the Asian girl home. Flexibility my friend.
Going to dump some dried Xanax powder into some Mac and cheese. Can't think of a better way to avoid tasting it.
Randomize
