There were 3 chicks in my bed I didn't know when I got home. Now I know all of them. Biblically.
Maybe I'll tuck it in and pretend to be a woman pretending to be a man that is attracted to women that are attracted to women who look like men
I saw your purple underwear in the road this morning.
FYI : beer farts in the morning chase women right out of bed!
Just tell him to eat fruit before so it tastes good. Then it's just like shotgunning a smoothie
Please tell me what happened last night... specifically who told me it was a good idea to pee in my shoe.
some people offered us free beer as long as we shotgunned it and after you shotgunned four without pausing they took their offer back
I heard you were walking home with taylor with your dress completely up and your ass exposed
Yeah, that sounds like my life.
After we were done the second time she turned to me and called me a Hardcore Armadillo. Also, her O face involves crossed eyes. You tell me.
how are you shocked you fucked her? sure shes hot, but she also washed your beerpong balls in her mouth..... you should probably get tested.
We found him wrapped up in a giant table umbrella in the bathroom.
Steaks?
It's Ash Wednesday.
If you really think that not eating meat on a weeknight is going to keep you out of hell, fine. Can I use that chimichurri you made?
I just tried to order ice cream on my bagel. I think I should just call it
I think you threw up on me last night but i can't remember so i'm not mad at you.
Why are we so out going and care free I can't wait for maturity to kick in so we stop having 700 dollar bar tabs
Randomize
