I almost didn't recognize her with a shirt on.
winter break is gonna be like a weird mixture of rehab fat camp and holiday cheer.
unrelatedly i think im gonna download boogie nights just to see mark wahlberg's penis
Yes i believe i did use that word. It culminated in a man wearing a corset thigh highs and stripper shoes. All mine btw.
The waiter to-go cupped my bloody mary without me even asking. THAT hungover.
He tried to make eye contact, he should know by now that freaks me out
The sun and I are not on speaking terms this morning
I am walking funny today. And it's sad because it's from the bad encounter with the sidewalk rather than a good encounter with a stripper
I am going to buy some m-80's and keep a bucket of them in the bathroom. That way I can just depth charge the toilet before each time I use it. Lets see how those snakes like cheap Chinese explosives
I need to have sex. It's becoming like a matter of public safety.
When you're really drunk, Japanese toilets just have an unnecessary amount of buttons.
eh, I feel I'm heading for a breakdown and I need to get it out of the way before I start writing that lab report.
What's with guys asking if I wanna "kick it" like I'm some fucking 19 year old
Just cuz I'm recovering alcoholic does NOT make me the taxi for you every weekend
Became friends with a girl at work today until I realized we have the same taste in men. And I thought only I liked red-bearded fat men
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