Dear Mark, please dispose of your crusty mcdonalds napkins used to jerk it at my desk
discrete masterbation is a lost art
now there's a facebook group for all the people whose lives i've ruined
Its a three day weekend with Valentines day thrown in... Im obligated to get drunk
Apparently, I woke up in the middle of the night, got up out of bed, dropped trou in the corner, squatted, and pissed on the carpet. When Eric heard, he thought it was the dog and started yelling, and I responded by saying "No no, its okay. It's me."
she said she's never had and orgasm AND she's a cubs fan...ouch.
At Grandmas for dinner. She is drinking a smirnoff ice. As soon as I saw it I had to stop myself from yelling chug.
How can you turn a kayak date down? I'M TALKING RIVER HEAD HERE.
So coach him. No guy wants to admit being unsure of something in bed. It's a man-law or something.
I successfully convinced a drunk NDSU student that their school does not have a football team and another that they weren't in Fargo. I'm a dangerous sober shark in a sea of drunks.
Sometimes I actually rage on Tuesday, come back, and do homework drunk and pull an all nighter.
I just had the most intense bikini wax of my life, i felt like i needed guardrails
Everyone's going out for thirsty Thursday and I'm just like. Cool. Enjoy yourself. I'm gonna eat an entire pizza and watch King of Queens reruns.
I think the only option is to smoke so much weed I just pass out for 3 days.
Whiskey. Because sometimes it's fun to have your hands go numb.
Id like to submit an apology whenever you feel like talking.
Its not gonna be for awhile Im not a very forgiving person especially since you TOTALED MY FUCKING CAR.
Randomize
