just walked out of chelsea's house and saw cameron slapping his dick against her car. cant even make this shit up if i tried.
I forgot to tell you the best part. The folded up paper he wrote his number on opened up to be a picture of him when he was younger wearing a Columbia tshirt in front of NASA and in pen said his name and "space consultant."
We are so drunk I just let him piss between my legs on the toilet. That's love.
He doesn't make grammatical errors. Even while getting head.
it was such a weird mix, KFC and penis
We're making herpes jokes very loudly and hoping she notices.
I can only get completely wasted and hungry two more times and then we're out of fritos.
Ok now I cleared out half the bar and Em and I have 5 Jameson shots lined up for you. You have 15 min.
Hes a nice guy and all but I'm only interested in his drunken alter ego.
Free tacos and bad night are never used in the same sentence
I snorted a few ambien and woke up here. A lady banged on our door, waking us up, demanding our towels.
I woke up this morning to a lot of blurry photos of a swan i must have chased down the riverbank and a handbag full of loose haribo.
Is it frowned upon to bring a flask to the er?
I totally straight up jacked your pants. I am so sorry.
Basically one minute I'm sucking on her nipples and then 45 mins later we're at work and she's my boss.
Randomize
