I saw her while sober, and she is definately cut off from the penis ride
I wish i knew how bad drinking and hieghts were before i got up here
So apparently when I roll on X I find 'dick ina box' not only hilarious but also sexually arousing.
He's a firefighter, who has his own band. I'm pregnant just thinking about him.
The cops walked in to class and arrested 2 guys for possession.
I find out next week of the Australian was lying about his vasectomy or not. Keep your fingers crossed!
Worst walk of shame everrr. Hopefully the thought of me walking 20 minutes in the freezing cold with someone else's sweatpants, a bra on & high heels will cheer you up today.
Oh god there are people jogging. Fuck off productive people, you don't know me.
I am making pancakes and watching Spongebob Squarepants. My life is a waste of youth.
When you and Blake get an apartment I want you to buy this Costco couch I'm currently passing out on.
Safe to say I'm terrified but totally AMPED
Dude, please tell me you know why there's a naked chick asleep outside my room.
When we left, you were on your third beer. When we came back to grab you, you had a pint glass half full of whiskey and had convinced the band to give you a microphone.
He was so fat that he broke two of my ribs
Maybe it's time to stop screaming I'm a chubby chaser every time you enter a drinking establishment
Date with Air Force guy was nice btw. And for my next trick I'll talk him into fucking me in his fighter jet at 30,000 ft.
A guy I don't even know just ate me out on a washing machine at a random persons afterparty. I came as it was going through spin cycle.Just kept thinking "who does laundry during a party?"
Randomize
