dude your cousin who was wearing the skirt wasn't wearing any underwear
gross she's a slut
yea she doesn't shave either
there's a guy here who looks like a hipster got a hold of obama and gave him a makeover.
We videoed ourselves having sex... I now know why I close my eyes during sex
she texted him the burrito order while she was puking in the Del Taco parking lot...
he urdandictionary'ed 'tease' on his phone and made me read through all the definitions. Am i really that bad?
You slept in the bed with him... with your top off.... and just made out with him....
is it STILL halloween? when did this turn into a week long holiday
I probably looked like a mental patient. I had my IV in one hand and cup of pee in the other, swaying around with a dazed grin on my face. I love vicodin.
its the kind of pain that only someone with a fucking elephant on their head would understand. I'm never drinking again.
You asked me if you could throw up in my shoe.
I need to make a new year's resolution to only pee in toilets. And it needs to start happening before the new year.
And fyi howling is not an acceptable form of communication.
Did I fall on/off the boat yesterday? Cuz my right leg looks and feels like if it got hit by shrapnel.
I will never use my dick in anger. With great dick comes great responsibility
Good news! Blood’s flowing!
My mom is worried I'm not eating enough protein so she's sending me 48 cans of tuna. That's not a typo.
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