I called him Han Solo during sex, he looked at me like he was mortified then I realized he came.
The smartest thing I've heard Obama do is call Kayne West a jackass
I need Christmas break to be over. I'm tired of fucking my old High School girlfriends
I hope this doesn't become one of those friendships where we dont have sex
Who's got a bloodstream full of margaritas by 2pm? Not you, that's for sure, because you've got one of those "real" jobs.
He told him to "throw up in my mouth like I'm a baby bird."
The topic of sex in the jamba banana suit has come up on multiple occasions. We're just waiting for a moment to try it out.
I JUST MADE OUT WITH A BRITISH SOCCER PLAYER. LONG LIVE THE QUEEN. GOD BLESS THAT COUNTRY.
I went full Overly Attached Girlfriend. You never go full OAG.
when I called the strip club they said there was a note with my credit card. "girl who punched guy in throat" fuck daytona
First post college job and I got fired within a week. Something tells me that adulthood isn't going to be as much fun as sex and the city led me to believe.
sorry didn’t mean to call you, i was just trying to put the t-rex emoji beside your name
don't worry, i'll dog sit again, the barking made the sex better, its like he was cheering for us, we were just THAT good.
I think I just sharted jello shots
Just made a secret hand shake with my sisters cat. Boredom at its finest.
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