The shirt is mine, the pants are mine, the bra not so much
We can get Dustin to help us. I think he'd be good at luring girls into a dark alley.
Girls behind me in the library are trying to outslut each other with stories from last semester. I'm about to set my cock on the table between them and label it "tie breaker"
I'm pregnant just thinking about him.
I know I said that I'd stop dating 20 year olds... but at least this one's not my student...
My parents just out drank me... I cant get back to college soon enough
all I wanna do is swim in an Olympic sized pool of Gatorade and tylenol.
I just want to know who nailed the chicken nugget to the door.
The cleaning lady has a form she makes me sign every time she finds me passed out in my office so she can keep track of how much to charge me each month for keeping quiet about it.
dude girls our age are getting married and having babies and I still can't figure out how to defrost my hotpockets
I just got my evaluation. My manager told me he hated my guts and pretty much wanted to stab me in the face. Then he gave me an "exceeds expectations" on pretty much everything and a raise.
I think I ripped my underwear last night doing drunk squats
I tried to order champagne at IHOP last night
These flip flops mean I'm casual, but I'm here to fuck.
You whispered 'For Frodo', handed me your shirt, and charged campus security.
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