She has HUUUUUUUGE nipples
so when we got to the frat house he had a travel sized toothpaste and toothbrush for me and gave me a pair of his shorts and a girl's sorority t shirt...something tells me he's done this before
we turned dreidel into a drinking game. i kept landing on gimel. im glad we have 7 more nights of this
You decided to make a porno with gummy bears and things went downhill from there.
she requested me as her brother on facebook.... biggest. letdown. ever.
yeah, you were trying to hump the doorman.
when did we get a doorman?
we were also in the wrong building...
New scientific discovery: The hypothetical attractiveness of a woman increases exponentially as her skirt:boot ratio approaches zero. Nobel Prize in my future?
Im otw to class. I was at the Library. Just past three girls with a bottle of tequila playing dizzy bat.
I just lit a candle in my room using axe and a lighter, that's how bored I am. Let's get schwasted.
The last thing I remember is teaching our waffle house waitress to do the stanky leg and promising the grill cook we would come see him at his other job.
Hey, I shot that toilet dead center, drunk, from at least 6 ft away. I'm a fuckin awesome shot. You guys were completely safe.
Yes, that toilet won't be hurting anyone anymore.... Hahaha
Pro tip: if you can avoid puking on your carpet, do so. Cleaning it up is absolutely no fun at all.
Your friends are scaring the cats so I'm going to smoke weed with them to call them down.
Oh you know just explaining sexual consent to a drunk 80 year old man. How is this my life?
I've decided if you aren't here in fifteen minutes I'm leaving you for Mario the 75 year old Colombian bartender.
Randomize
