You know you love balls. Don't act all "I-Don't-Love-Balls-ish"
I feel like I got hit by a truck made out of Jack Daniels.
Stuck behind a lady in her 70's purchasing a plastic handle of vodka and nothing else. She is writing a check. Hello future.
this is never going to happen for me, I think he thinks I'm crazy
well you did scream "PLEASE! I'LL S YOUR D IN FRONT OF EVERYONE"
Could someone please kill snooki before she contributes to the gene pool.
Just looked at my outgoing calls. Seems I had a 7 minute convo with my 10th grade english teacher at 2:56 am Saturday...
Just walk-of-shame'd past fifteen little girls at summer camp. Take a good look girls, I am you in twelve years.
it's official, after last weekend my girl number is higher than my guy number. fix this.
He went all Bachlorette on me.. "I just want to guard and protect your heart" bullshit
So basically he tried to get out of the car and crawl on the highway with the broken leg because he didn't want to go to the hospital. It was not a good time...then we got pizza though.
Remember my theory about how the universe perfectly unfolds to fuck me? Well, it's at work right now
Im still alive. Just can't talk. Or move. No need to worry
how exactly do you say, "i only agreed to meet you for breakfast because i thought we could go to your place and fuck afterwards."
My parents heard us going at it in their tent. I told my mom it must have been a bear looking for food. I don't think she bought it. She deliberately chose this park because bears haven't been sighted here in years.
"We drove to the deserted part of the parking lot, and that's where we blew each other. It was so romantic."
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