I wish there was a classy way to show off your boobs.
four guys that i have slept with have come into my job today. FOUR. i feel like it's like bring your sex partners to work day.
I would have rather watched a full length video of myself masturbating than heard that.
Nothing like puking into an empty cooler at a red light on the way to get plan b.
My password hint says "not sunset, also facebook." i need to stop doing computer things while high. I will never figure this clue out.
Its... i dont even know. theres lots of rap music and i cant find my shoes
I need to stop drinking and eating and start working out. I look like the lovechild of John Goodman and Jabba the Hutt.
ps I'm eating candy off our sex sheets. gotta say the only thing better than sweet tarts is sweet tarts with a hint of sex. perfect post vday situation
He let me finish eating my sandwich while I sat his face. I think I'm in love with this little eager beaver.
She told me her last name, which as you know is my #1 turn-off.
He made a playlist to use during sex...that ended with The Ultimate Warrior's entrance music.
If a treadmill opens up I'll run next to him and then fall off so he has to give me mouth to mouth
We're lying on the pavement outside of the college. No one has asked if we're okay. I think they all understand.
Listen, i know this is weird for you, but as your fuck buddy, id prefer if you didnt fuck her.
Youre asking too much from me
Give me the sexing that I truly desire and I will reveal to you the mysterious location of the PBR's
Randomize
