hide the guitars, Nate just learned to play free fallin'
She was walking with the authority that 2 beers gave to a light weight.
I saw your purple underwear in the road this morning.
He asked if I wanted to blow his flute? Please call me and pretend there is a family emergency!!!
Got free coffee because I told the guy at starbucks the pleats in his khaki pants made his cock look big.
found my necklace. it was safe with all 6 boxes of peeps that i bought that night.
I thought she was being abused so tried to go in at the sympathy angle, but the bruises were from pole dancing. I went in at all angles.
I inadvertently smoked 6 blunts at one time. We just kept passing them around...I didn't know what happened until it was over. I can't walk.
I'm dipping store brand pepperoni pizza in bacon flavored ranch dressing. Obesity tastes so good.
I'm so proud of us for not dying.
party devolved into two exes battling with Cal's tiki torches, and the lawn being set on fire kinda sorta and then we all hula'ed... hulaed?
WHAT KIND OF DEALER ONLY WORKS FRI-SUN???
Ours, apparently.
So when did "Are you okay?" translate into "Don't tell me you got fucked by another rando after another rager"?
Why did I wake up next to the fire pit? And who wrapped me up like a burrito?
Jägerbombs. Thank Sara.
I dunno what to tell you sport. Short of having a shock collar on, you're gonna wanna hook up with people.
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