his facebook status quotes britney spears so there is always that
that's an acceptable place to lick
So you coming over for some grilled cheese and head?
I wish life was like the Sims. Right when you're pregnant the music would play and I would just know instead of agonizing for the next two weeks.
stop changing my ringtone to people fucking, it looks bad at work
I mean its not the first time I passed out drunk at barnes and noble.
I get credit on the assist, you can thank me by taking a pic of her ass under the covers and sending it to me. It would make my YEAR
Last night, I accomplished the impossible. I pissed while riding my bicycle home without pissing all over myself. My Dutch friends gave me a round of applause and said I was now the king of holland.
Um. That's my cat Laura. You put my cat in your mouth, and then you put my cat in your purse.
your like the ambassador to my penis.
Im sitting in church with a backpack full of beer bottles. This is friendship.
If I believed in "responsibility" and "having limits", I would probably say I consumed too much alcohol in the last 48 hours
My liver and I thought we knew what we signed up for. We were wrong.
Would it be inappropriate to trade Christmas cookies for sex?
short story short, i just screamed anal seepage in the middle of a diner.
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