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He shouted my World of Warcraft name while we were having sex, and he was sober.
I am not a stalker...i just bring a whole new meaning to the word love
We've done the math and the dogs tails are wagging at a rate of 3000 wags per hour. Stoned.
I just realized that I have to choose between a future orthopedic surgeon and a dude currently in jail. My life is so fucked.
Scary truckers and hobos. These are the men I attract
I think it really helped to be hungover at accepted students day. it gave me a good feel for how it would be everyday if I go there.
I just made kick ass drunk stir fry while taking care of three other drunk people and doing shots. I don't understand how that's not wife material
The last time I went to Vegas and the sun started to rise, my copilot went home with her nipples pierced.
It took me three days, but I managed to nearly get arrested on my way out of LA. Made it to the airport. Crisis averted, though. The real crime is, my flight is delayed two hours.
He danced with some other girls and you started yelling "I can't believe I wasted half my Chili's gift card on you" at him
I can't believe we really went to walgreens to use their cork opener, bounced and drank a bottle of wine in a sketchy corner...
Eating pizza in the bath tub while watching a romantic comedy alone. I reached a new level of single.
at least he now gets to tell people how he once threw a party so epic that the next day they had to clean some girl's body paint off the ceiling
Fuck you. All I remember from last night is telling random people that I'm in a "judgement free zone" then I threw up
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