I just tried to drunkenly fart the beat of Disturbia by Rihanna
So it's like pop-o-matic trouble, but with penises
girls mom is dying from cancer and she msgs me for a booty call. I guess people cope with their situations differently.
you thought your balls were fighting each other...
all I know is I'm really rwfly really really stoned and a bunch of Korean people are yelling at me
You called me at 2am singing 'happy birthday' while screaming 'I fucking love you' verses, all while eating a burrito and taking a piss off your apartment balcony
Yeah I know, the people below me already told me
hung over. covered in somebodies makeup. and ready to drink.
Those drunk pictures you took of me? My mom is showing those to my grandparents.
And then I fed you egg rolls in bed as you were screaming I'm moving out
He's ready to settle down, whereas I'm like "More shots please"
im in DESPERATE NEED OF A COMPANION RIGHT NOW I’M MOTHER FUCKING TRIPPING SOLID GOLD BALLS
You showed up at my house at 4am with a bloody nose, one shoe and a bucket of chicken... I live no where near a place that sells chicken in a bucket..
Well that would explain the bones in my purse.
I woke up to the smell of shame and vomit in my hair... went to the bathroom to shower and passed out... woke back up naked with the blow dryer on... thanks for making my birthday a success
He eats kale on the regular. Do I look like a bitch that wants to eat kale. No. Give me some Boston market.
I feel like you should store your weed in something that suits your personality. For example mines in a hollowed out disney princess book.
Randomize
