I think jizz is working it's way to becoming my number 1 food source.
Studying for the exam.. Identifying the portraits using phrases like "large penis"
On the quad today: An amish choir singing something weird, and not 30 feet away 3 girls tanning topless. Definition of diversity.
You are like a prophet. It's amazing how many people you convince to be lesbians.
There's limited edition cherry vanilla nyquil. It's like they know how much I hate myself and they're giving me a consolation prize.
The amount I want to die right now is not proportionate to the level of fun I had last night. Not fair.
I don't see what kind of idea someone could get from an envelope covered in jesus stickers and a note from a person and their dog. I'd say crazy person alert before flirting.
I tried...failed..now im naked on the futon since clothes are hard.
I dreampt that we were shooting zombies while we having sex. Is that normal?
I feel like that's something that he should've asked me over dinner..... instead of with his hand down my pants? maybe not
Build a thousand brigdes, lick one butthole. What am I remembered for? Buttholelicking.
My uterus feels like it went 8 rounds with Mike Tyson. And that was only a quickie.
Being the hot sister definately has advantages, I'm pretty sure I ruined her engagement
I'm at that point in my life where keeping an extra pair of underwear in my purse is normal.
Can I come kidnap you from work so we can chug mimosas? My little brother has a ski mask I can borrow.
Randomize
