I really wish I didn't have to wear pants this is ridiculous
he's downstairs watching tv with my family... I called the home line so my mom could bring me my make up bag cause my real face would prob make him delete my number
You picked me up and threw me on a barstool and shoved shots in front of me.
Thats like the definition of a good friend
he sent me a picture of his dick with a heart border around it
Last I saw him was around 10 this morning. He was passed out on the porch with his head under the barbeque cover and there were cups of orange juice around him as well as loose tobacco spread everywhere. Good luck getting a hold of him.
Now I'm at the gym and I never want to leave. It's a combo of adderall and endorphins and I don't want it to go away
Bro what are you doing Thursday the day before I go to jail??
They actually said and I quote "it definitely looks like your knees went through some over usage"
If we both finish he brings me a beer and cookies, if only he finishes I get wine and cheesecake. I think I'm in love.
he ate me out like 4 times and told me that my vagina "was too much fun".
I felt like in order for him to make it to mordor and destroy the ring, he'd have to make sweet sweet love to me in some form of hut or cave.
EVERYTHING IS DISNEY. Even my sexting can lead to Disney.
Ummm so I'm at the hospital and just heard some guy get tazed......twice.
It's pretty self explanatory. You tried to have sex on the hood of a car in front of everyone
Man the amount of drugs being done at a wedding with a bunch of surgeons was disturbing
Randomize
