Dude I just witnessed a midget touching himself and singing the chorus to somebodys watching me by michael jackson... it kinda turned me on
My girlfriend figured out who you are.
And then the cop told me my court date was on 4/20. I said come onn u really gunna do me like that
The crowning achievement of my weekend was hooking up with someone I'm at least facebook friends with.
At my internship. I get drug tested tmr at 2
Are they going to pay you for the one day you worked?
First day at work... I clogged up the office toilet on purpose to assert my dominance.
she said "i got this" and then fell on her face. within grabbing distance of the wall and her boyfriend
I have two stamps on my hand....ones from the bar and one is from an aquarium...care to explain?
Time for jim to play the "dont seriously consider pooping in the trash" game
I don't have to hold her hair back as she blows me but I do have to hold the ball on the Santa hat
I never thought I would have to get vodka suctioned out of my ear
i have my bailey's and coffee which lasts me until lunch, at which time its appropriate for me to bring a vodka and OJ mix for the afternoon. This university thing is grrreat
i feel like i am made of mashed potatoes. i love cannabis pills so. fucking. much.
Jäger goes great with personal crises and receding morals...
Threesomes are not as fun as you'd think. I left with a black eye and I'm not sure who's to blame.
Randomize
