i wish we had vans that drove around at night but insteand of ice cream and jolly tunes its taco bell and the macarena
his penis was like watching paranormal activity your very hyped up to see it but you think it might be very scary and in the end you didnt really see anything at all
did that guy on the oscars really just tell me to text a dolphin?
I couldn't open my car door and for a second I thought they were taking me to an intervention circle.
What type of outfit says "I know you slept with my boyfriend before and are also way skinnier than me, but I look better...somehow"
I have a beer in one hand and a slim fast in another. It's another one of those wednesday nights.
I found your knife. It was stuck in my bedroom ceiling.
Seriously how many times do I have to sleep with him before he stops calling me dude
I'm on acid right now in three feet of snow. I NEEEED YOOOOUUUU
well a fat roach just fell out of my hair. so there's that
That's fine. It's not illegal to bring ham into a museum.
You have all semester to unpack your car, quarter jello shots only last until 10.
I'm mainly pissed because I shaved fucking EVERYTHING for this. WITH SHAVING CREAM. Men do not appreciate how rarely that happens.
Apparently I told him the people made me order taco bell I didn't even want it. And then proceeded to turn off all the lights and sit at the kitchen table in the dark and told him not to look at me.
You should probably come home from vacation now. I make badddd decisions when you're gone.
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