Maybe I lied like you did about your herpes.
If Curt Schilling could pitch a game with that blood-filled sock... if Tiger Woods won the 2008 US Open with a torn ligament, then I'd be an embarrassment to the human race if I couldn't manage to at least jerk him off even if I was still crying after he put it in my butt.
I typed "housewife" into monster.com's search engine....I got zero results...kinda bummed
He told me he was a psychology major, and I responded by asking him where he hid his vagina.
ive been a drunken mess for the last 5 days. i feel like a 19 year old again
Grandpa got a dui while riding a horse. This is what I need to live up to.
At no time is it ever okay for my doctor to compliment my tattoos, when giving me a physical exam.......
The bachelor party was supposed to stay local but I think were in mexico.
The tit pic search didn't go as planned, some old guy sent me a pic of his balls and said stop texting his daughter. Better luck tomorrow
I sucked his dick by a creek, how romantic.
I think every girl deserves a pregnancy scare. Because then it just feels like such a priviledge to be bleeding out of the vagina.
I legit just did a jig towards my box of tampons.
My "birthday sex" consisted of approximately 25 seconds of him going down on me in the shower.
He got mad at you last time bc you tried to rap battle him via text. This is strictly business.
if I start to respond to these political texts with a middle finger emoji - do you think they will get the hint?
I need to get laid. Right now that freshman frat pledge & my Econ professor are the leading candidates
That’s quite a spread
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