Nah got too drunk to function...probably could have dragged something home over my shoulder if the cops didn't roll
You were wearing a sombrero. And a crown. And told me to use the nerf gun to protect your room from the cat. You don't have a cat.
woke up in nothing but a glued-on tiger tail. they used super glue.
he urdandictionary'ed 'tease' on his phone and made me read through all the definitions. Am i really that bad?
You slept in the bed with him... with your top off.... and just made out with him....
I'm sorry I tried putting my balls in your cup holder.
Sign she's a keeper: "I would rather be late to brunch than waste a perfectly good boner."
We didn't want to make a pit stop so I just helped my husband pee in a bottle. No one told me this was part of love.
You made a glowstick headband with a helium balloon tied around it and climbed a tree in high heels. I was impressed.
He got kicked out 3 times. I have no idea how he kept getting back in. I saw him walking on the highway the next morning.
Just ignore his excessive use of exclamation points and be happy this one is of age.
You fucker.
I feel like I don't show you my boobs enough. And you deserve to see them like all the time
New guy moved in the apartment next door. He's a combat vet, 6'4", Adonis body and going to med school. My vagina is chewing thru the wall as we speak.
Compositionally, that's actually a really nice picture.
And your penis looks really nice too.
she hand cuffed me to the bed naked, jumped off the dresser naked, hit her head on the fan and knocked herself out. when her mom came home i had to call her for help, she could have died man...
Hey long story short Grandma needs bail money.
Randomize
