He managed to completely creep out every girl I was with last night. It was almost inspiring how efficient it was.
Apparently in gay bars the restroom signs are just a formality. Its a free for all in there
Why do I have flashes of a dark shed in my memory?
Because we had sex in one.
Lesbian sex in an alleyway drunk.
You know what, I don't care that I got too drunk and didn't make it into the boat party. If I had, I probably wouldn't have peed on you later while we soundly slept. I feel you need that in a best friendship.
Last night was the first and hopefully last night I will ever sleep in a hotel bath tub. Sober mind you.
I'm not even gonna ask.
Yeah. Well last night I sold my shoes to a man who I'm pretty sure has a weird foot fetish for $150 cash.
He brought me four big burritos and two joints! He can sleep with his bank teller any time he wants!
So we stayed at his mom's and all got drunk and he and I hooked up in his old bedroom. Then his drunk mom came in and tackled us when we were still naked. Why does this keep happening to me?
I warned you. Don't come crying to me when your vagina refuses to forgive you for this.
Just because the energy drink is shaped like a grenade doesnt make it cool to throw it and yell "BOOM" and break my flatscreen, asshole
Checking my Tinder matches as I sit here in the waiting room at Planned Parenthood. I can't be stopped.
Last nights hook up turn into a star wars history lesson.. He's luck y he's pretty..
yes, i'm a douce. but i'm a high quality douche.
there's crying, and people are upset, and there's a love triangle, and a broken heart, and so much estrogen
Randomize
