Call meee
Ok, but just to warn you, I'm as drunk as a Kennedy right now...
i feel like i'm waiting in line to date brett michaels
Jake died.
WTF????????? That's how you tell me????
Oops typo. Jake cried.
This whole living in Ohio thing is getting reaaaaallly old.
his mom and I have the same butterfly tramp stamp. don't ask how that came up
Hey do you have a way to post bail? If not we can hook you up. If a police officer is reading this please ask him and respond in a timely fashion. I am concerned for my imprisoned friend
Sorry for drunk singing "love hurts" to you at 3 am.
It was awesome explaining why I had a tiger with boxers in my bed, a little bit drunk, to a girl in a pre-sex moment
Totally sleeping on a bloodstained mattress tonight. I love life's little adventures.
he sent me a pic of his dick and balls out with sunglasses over them like a face. i was at dinner.
do you still have it? i kinda want to see.
Why is there an ambulance refusal in my pocket? I'm never going drinking with you again.
We should give each other good-luck-on-your-finals head in the morning.
The tamale guy is fucking with me, I wanna sleep in he wakes me up; early wake-n-bake and he's late and I'm hungry
Idk if my headache is from the alcohol, the pot brownies, or being dragged down 8 flights of stairs by my ankles because i passed out in the 12th floor girls bathroom by you. Probably a combo of all three.
Fursuit judi Dench just stared directly at me for 3 solid minutes telling me that cats arent dogs and i believe her because if i dont cat jason derulo might try to have sex with me
Randomize
