They have glow in the dark condoms. That's so scary.
Something like a penis light saber.
once I found out that a naked stripper wasn't gonna pop out of the cake I kind of just lost interest in the party
For some reason I just don't think you going to the gay bar alone on thanksgiving is a good idea.
Weekday college schedule so far: get high as tits. Watch Family Guy marathons. Repeat.
It's like the god of all feather dusters, but for your vagina
It really is the softest mustache
He rode a broom down the stairs while we were mattress surfing. Naked. Buck ass naked. WTF
She was humming during sex. After I asked her why, she said it was her sex theme music
Dude, you need to man up. You passed out before a PRESEASON game. It's a long season.
Im eating a cannibus peanut butter and jelly sandwich, while snuggling a stuffed animal. Either this flu is really really harsh or I'm some kind of stoner toddler
she's like a sexy human version of my cat. i can't catch her, and she keeps throwing up in the corners.
You both sound like you need to get shit faced, fight it out, and have makeup sex.
Good, I don't think Coke dipped ring pops hold up in the mail anyway.
YOU'RE NOT THE ONE BEING EVISCERATED BY YOUR OWN UTERUS SO GET SOME DAMN SLEEP YOU FOOL!
We really gotta wear capes to the bar more often...
you need to drop off my dinner before you go see him because i'm not gonna wait until you're finished fucking him to get my damn chinese food
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