so I'm never txting u again after today...
y?
cuz i don't wanna see it on blogspot :)
ha...too late
Potential corruption. He's 19.
Get them while they're young!
Maybe if i eat something filling like whole wheat pasta it will make me less hungry for things like dick
There are thorn wounds on my balls, don't ever question my dedication to party again
dude I heard her through my door. She sounded like you were holding her head under water and they letting her up for air. I recorded that shit
There's a mouse. In the house. By the cans. With some pans. Release the cat. To eat his hat. Sorry about the mess. Of my breakfest.
No but seriously, there's a fucking mouse in the house by the beer cans
I don't miss having sex with him. We had our finale fuck last week. He's all yours now.
A little sexual choking never killed anyone. And if it did, they died happy.
I met her parents last night. Her dad smelled like weed and kept yelling "I HAVE ALLERGIES AHHH MY EYES ARE BURNING!" During dinner It had to be good weed he didn't even know he was yelling.
the worst part about living alone is not having other peoples snacks to mooch off of when you havent gone grocery shopping in three weeks. i'm so pms-y i'm about to eat a soy sauce packet
I'm thinking my boss switched to all cordless keyboards and mouses so that none of us would hang ourselves in the office.
I'm planning our wedding on the computer and our threesome on my phone. At the same time.
What's rude is him not accepting my blowjob offer. What kind of guy denies that.
Let go out that Thursday night!
Yess sounds good, I have to go turn myself in the next day because what happened last Friday.
I just realized, you're dating a guy named Jameson. That is another level of whiskey dick.
Randomize
