she said "feliz nobby job" then proceeded to give me a blowjob.
I'm at the bass pro shop. They have a river full of trout and turtles, a shooting range, a full bar, and the patriots cheerleaders are here. I now understand why people are rednecks. I may never leave
New drinking game: take a shot everytime Jay-Z is played during the NFL draft.
Last night you were talking while puking saying, "ahh the shoes and the purse, I'm gonna have to wash those"
you started keeping track of only every even numbered drink you had
I'm handcuffed to your bathroom sink. Save me.
The fool I made of myself at the Ugly Christmas Sweater party last night was surpassed this morning when I walk of shamed 6 miles at 7am with one mysterious wet leg and no pants on. I think my mom saw me and waved.
Why does every bad decision I make wind up having 1000 likes on YouTube?
I drew a giraffe.. But she did say that bumped that test up from a 39 to a 40. It's the little things.
we need to invent and abuse teleportation
I think weed is turning my hair brown
But on the plus side, what he lacked in size he made up for with speed. And grunting.
Had sex on your trumpet just an fyi.
I know you told me I shouldn't go see him...that's why I'm texting you letting you know I made it home safe from his house this morning
he's fucking insane. he's worse than me. is that even possible? I'm only with him because his dick is huge. I need Jesus.
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