they almost convinced me to put "Funbags" in the 'other names you may be known as' section of the job application
The doctor wrote 'condom retrieval' on my discharge paper.
This girl named her kid Rainforrest. If I die, just know it was from laughing so fucking hard.
Why is there not a 'day after acid' genre. Or even a pandora station or something.
Ever since I told them the story of the sex in the canoe scandal its like I am in season
I smell like I just crawled out of a bottle of champagne and landed on the floor of taco bueno.
The Vegas crew is in two groups, Team Vodka and Team Fireball. There is no winner in this.
i feel like my tongue has its own mouth, and that mouth just bit its tongue and is clenching its teeth.
WHY DO I WANT TO FUCK EVERY GUY THAT BREATHES
There's jello in my purse I have a mysterious glow stick and didn't sleep with anyone my god I'm 3 for 3 tonight
If you hear a sad honk in the wind it is me.
Is there a polite way to say "Sorry for your head injury but I still want to hook up"?
How the fuck does a person bruise an armpit? I swear to god, I get the lamest drunk injuries.
My roommate just walked in on him eating me out ..happy finals week right?
The report specifies "melted cheese food" as the cause of the burns. Your pride, like your cock, isn't getting out of this without heavy damage.
Randomize
