Having your wife answer your cell was so lame. Maybe we can talk when you get your phone, your facebook account, and your balls back.
I sent you an email today but due to work restrictions, I had to misspell choke sex
Just saw the pics you left in my phone. thanks for reminding me that last night was not a dream.
do you remember wearing her cheetah rainboots and making bacon shirtless?
my mom told me that she didn't count me in the census because im a waste of life anyway.
Bible prof is the guy I made out with at the gay bar on the fourth. He doesn't remember.
stumbled upon a picture of an owl staring me in the face. i almost offered him a bong hit.
I find out next week of the Australian was lying about his vasectomy or not. Keep your fingers crossed!
I just laughed at the word pudding. I have no idea whats going on right now.
NOLA update. Went to Corey Smith at the house of blues last night. Drank PBR and took lots of shots of Jack. Too drunk, cabbed it to the hotel and fell asleep while having sex. Not my finest moment. Now I'm in court. I can't wait to be your attorney.
Just watched my entire extended family eat salad out of the bowl i threw up in last night.
I'm wearing the monkey suit out tonight. I hope you're ok with it leaving the bedroom
Other than trying to finger me on the couch in the middle of the bar a few times, you were fine.
Things that happen while I poop: I start dating someone
We broke up. My life is now 7 inches less.
Randomize
