it was the worst sex ever in the history of sex. i mean ever. and he thought he was great. actually told me he was the best id ever had...what was i supposed to say? lol...i've had better times by myself. seriously.
In America we eat man semen.
if you think for one second that i'm not using my mittens as hand puppets at the bar tonight then u dont know me at all!
There are going to be so many Snookis this Halloween that I might just dress as the guy that hit her and punch them all in the face
Just so everyone's clear, it was already on fire when I got there.
I caught him trying to shit in her bed. I asked him why he was doing it and he said "because it's wrong."
I'm hiding out in the living room until he falls back asleep. If he catches a whiff of my tits, it's all over. I just need to play it cool. Babies can smell fear
I won't be able to make it. Too hung over. Can't hold down fluids. I'm in the bathtub trying to hydrate my body through osmosis. And yes, Tequila Tuesday is totally still on for tonight.
It took all the strength I had tto sit at my desk and not tear off my business attire and run screaming from adulthood and flourescent lights.
Side note. I love it when I think I've sobered up and then I get a second wind of drunk
He just used the word frick. Is that a possible red flag?
My cat just smacked my blunt from my hand and then put her head in my hand. I don't know how to feel
OK... But I need to shower first because I'm covered in stuff I definitely shouldn't have slept in
YOLO is a great motto until you end up with Chlamydia
I was giving you head in the kitchen, and when I looked up you were eating a quesadilla.
Randomize
