so you know how i got laid the other night? well a condom just came out of me and i dont know whether to be grossed out or happy
i am grossed the fuck out
So my graduate coordinator is possible gay man. I may have just found the easiest way to a degree ever.
Good plan b, put your number on all your forms. Hello gamefull employment.
Take that integrity
Just wandered into a surprise final. Only a surprise for me though. I wish I could say this is the first time this has happened.
She was giving me a handjob while I was wearing a sombrero with a beer in one hand and a hammer in the other.
i'm not a hellocoptur, but youer in a dorm ans im un a dorm
Dude the animal human society told us we could get a dog when we came back sober. I cant wait.
I called him daddy. To his face. Somewhat sober. What more could I do?
Also I'm proud of us for having an educational conversation in this group text.
Theyll love you, its bunch of older ladies who drink whisky and sours and talk about the sex seans in Game of Throwns
My walk of shame turned into having to get his dad to tow my best friends car out of the snowbank in his driveway
I need to wash the frat house off of me
She's the good dick fairy. You buy her a beer and half an hour later the best lay in the place is asking to take you home.
Afterwards the first thing I said was, "You know, you're probably the first guy who has ever gotten laid wearing Star Wars pajama bottoms."
I took out a life ins. policy Thursday. It's okay I can die in Nashville now.
I know you would never do it--but if I ever walk into your house and find a "live love laugh" ANYTHING, I will commit you to an asylum. If it is a vinyl decal adhered to the wall, I will just smother you myself.
Randomize
