I asked him where the store BJ's was and he unzipped his pants.
So i think we're being coned into a threesome with the promise of pokemon
Um, I don't really remember much about the event... and then I woke up on the metro..
just saw an anti-abortion rally outside of the courthouse...so naturally i tossed them out a coat hanger i found in my car
I was just wished a Happy Valentine's Day by the (Mexican) Chinese food delivery guy. I've never had clearer "get your life together" message than that.
omg i hate the new neighbors. why cant a bitch just be hungover in peace on a wednesday morning.
why is my forehead so bruised?
i found you outside knocking on the door with your head because you couldn't lift your arms.
Then she said I give the best mouth hugs and bar went silent.
my grandpa paid for my boob job but he just doesn't know it.
Carver called his mom a milf again
Was it on purpose this time?
I'll just tell you, some how when we were having sex on Friday my collarbone got fractured.
MY LIFE IS A TRAINWRECK THATS ON FIRE BUT SOMEHOW STILL MOVING, I HAVE THE RIGHT TO SCREAM OUTSIDE AT 2AM
what happened last night?!
you took a shot and then laid down on our kitchen table and passed out.. then when we tried to move you to the couch you screamed "no! i love tables"
Aw. You're having cute FaceTime with your fiance, I'm trying to convince myself not to booty call a 42 year old. #adulting
youll appreciate my drinking habit one day...
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