I may have just googled Muppet Treasure Island drinking game
It's offcial there's a Bobby Light radio station on pandora.
I stole a road cone for their 13 yr old son. Apparently I told him to put Christmas lights on it, and "treat her like a lady."
it's been like two and a half months. And I swear, I keep seeing walking dicks. I think I'm going crazy cause of lack of sex..
no, no, no. omg. i said i wanted a SANDWICH! not a picture of your dick. damn cant you read? SANDWICH! now im blinded. great job.
He said my breasts were God's way of making up to him for all the shit he's had to endure in his life.
He snuck into my grandmothers house, broke her lamp, fucked me, then had breakfast with us the next morning. I am an awful granddaughter.
I really want to know why half of my kitchen floor is missing.
Babe. Honestly. Trust me. Your balls are not that big. And i'm eager.
I will give you all my nachos to make this happen
Hahah. They reconnected again?
Like with his penis I guess
Is it bad i hate my job so much I'm actively trying to get fired tonight by drinking all the booze we have so I don't have to show up for my double tomorrow. Four mango vodkas later I have decided I'm a better server drunk.
We're the worst. Two people without their shit together do not make a functional adult.
Video footage says last night I reincarnated as stripper Shania Twain... Man, I feel like a (slutty) woman.
I had an awesome dream where you were a stegosaurus and I was a triceratops and we were hiding from a t-rex and had mad dino sex
Randomize
