It's like Facebook knows when I'm about to masturbate and tells me to reconnect with exes.
ra ra ra ah ah
wtf?
sexting lady gaga style
He was sweet. He even warned me that his dick curved, and I quote, "more than a banana."
And "sexual slave/chef" was as it turns out not a real career choice...
He just made me apologize because his morning wood is NOT a laughing matter.
I was scoping hash out of our weed jar with a spoon and I realized we need to buy actual utensils. This plastic shit is killing me I've broke 3 spoons
How many bratwuest were you able to fit in your mouth at one time? It's me, Hans.
okay. so this hammed chick got arrested and she keeps trying to make out with the cop. i like her style.
Making jello shots drunk, i apologize ahead of time if they are too strong Can't taste anything.
Tomorrow morning i will black in to find a christmas tree in my room that i dont remember how i got. I love college
I have a kicked-out-of-multiple-bars level hangover today
Just switched my underwear without taking my pants off don't ever be ashamed to be related to me
Someone sharpied "COCK HUNGRY" on my butt cheeks last night. When the fuck did I have my ass out?
3 cups of coffee and some molly. The "Tay's Day Off Diet"
I think its a little fucked up she invited you to her wedding, are you going?
There is a lot of acid in my drugs right now
....ill put you down as a no then
Randomize
