News update: stealing a playground is harder than it looks.
so i walked in, looked up the stairs and all i saw was smashed pumpkin, tube socks, and marinara sauce
Five Mah tais Laser and i skill have not drunk dial you
Its not small because its small, Its small because it was cold outside
you started texting yourself and saying they were "divine messages from heaven" then you threw up on stacie's piano.
mom and dad sent me an easter basket full of beer pong supplies again.
Thank you for the breast cancer awareness themed circle of death. Had it been any other time I would not have played topless.
Dude. The girls called me over to see what they had in their dorm. They snuck in a pigeon in a cardboard box. They named it Quincey. They swear they're sober.
Pretty sure he sprained my tongue. This is why you don't hook up with gingers.
I just want to have weird supply closet sex with him... and then I'll be all set. Fired, but all set.
I just remembered something. Did we really all flash the cab driver to get half off?
Just saw a dude walk out of the parking. Garage in a diaper and tutu. He had a handle in one hand and a toy bow in the other
LOL its 11 am
He asked me if my princess crown was real and before I could say yes, he was already reaching to put it on. I'm pretending I'm asleep if he tries to have sex.
you start one little fire by the lake and the police want to talk to you all night...
He just pulled a Spanish chick using google translate!!!! We are at the bar and she speaks zero English. Hes a fucking magician!!!!!!
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