Call me "white mamba"
Your dick is not a dangerous deadly poisonous snake
It is white.
For the millionth time in his career, Brett Favre has screwed over the Vikings
Someday soon you'll wake up next to a bottle of jameson and a half eaten lean cuisine and then you'll be just like me.
Shaking her cervix like it's the hottest ticket around
I asked you if you were ok and you said "dude I'm fine, I'm in the recovery position"
they're both coked to the gills having a shouting match about the powers and abilities of godzilla. and using the wikipedia entry on the topic to support their respective arguments.
You. Me. A bottle of Vodka. The wilderness.
Idk man I'm just a giant talking marshmallow ready to be toasted and dipped in chocolate
and a jello shot exploded in my bra last night. Now I have blueberry smurfette boobs. Awesome.
Beer acquired. Food is cooking
Wow, you are almost sliding into home plate for some stellar fellatio
Please don't mistake my med student status for responsibility. I'm drinking tequila while studying vascular surgery techniques.
I wore sunglasses to take a shower. I might be hungover.
Just heard him in the middle stall. Sounded like someone emptied a toolbox into the toilet.
I just got back like 5 minutes ago, I have two champagne bottles that I carried with me on the train home and a Dunkin donuts coffee cup full of stolen butter, I've been in a windowless room for the last 6 hours, time does not exist
what is your life
Free champagne that's what
I woke up and couldn't find her. She had somehow managed to get into the closet and lock herself in. She was crying for her boyfriend. Thirsty Thursday at its finest
Randomize
